Processing trauma is like using a foam roller.
Oftentimes, clients will be in session with me and they will say something along the lines of how uncomfortable the trauma conversation is, or maybe they will frequently shift the conversation away from the past and stay surface level. They usually realize their avoidance and we can talk about it in session. This is usually when I stop and ask them if they have ever used a foam roller. When I say that to clients they often look at me with a confused face, they were just talking about their trauma and the fears around processing it and here I am asking if they have ever used a foam roller. The confusion is understandable, but hear me out: processing trauma is like using a foam roller.
When you use a foam roller you are supposed to find the most painful spot and STAY there. Don’t roll on by, actually stay there and lean into the discomfort. The idea being that if you can lean into the pain, it will release, but if you don’t you will feel the effects of that painful spot all over your body. Let’s take the analogy one step further. My knees are constant sources of pain. When I am rolling out my muscles, my pilates instructor insists on me working my way down my entire thigh and calf. “But my knee is what hurts” I tell her, “yes but sometimes other parts of your body are what are causing the pain in your knee”. Well crap, if I don’t roll out my calf, I can feel more pain in my knee. If I just focus on my knee, I don’t actually have long term pain relief. It helps at the moment and I can’t ignore my knee entirely, but it turns out I need to work through the pain THROUGHOUT my body to really deal with the pain I’m experiencing daily. And the breathing, oh the breathing through the pain is one of the more important parts.
That is what trauma work is. Clients come in complaining about an issue in their work life or a relationship. “Let’s talk about your history” I say to them, “but my issue is with the present” they respond, “yes, but often what happened in our past plays a role in how we interact with our present. We learn to respond to the present because of how we were taught to respond to the past”. How we respond to trauma is directly related to every aspect of our life. So when a therapist is asking you to dive deep into your past, there is actually a connection to the present issue you are discussing. This is frequently illustrated in Brainspotting. During a Brainspotting session a client might start with one presenting issue, but by the end they always report that their subconscious suddenly brought up situations they had forgotten about or what seemed to be unrelated issues but the connection starts to make sense as they think about it.
So what is the connection between trauma and a foam roller? Well, the hardest part of trauma work is having to talk about what happened or how the event made you feel. It is so hard to relive memories related to the trauma and sometimes that just feels overwhelming and impossible. Let me start by saying that it is totally okay to feel like you need to back off for a bit or go slow. Trauma work isn’t a mad dash into the deep end, you can dip your toes in the water and adjust to each step first. There is nothing wrong with going slow as long as you keep going forward. But just as you sit with the painful spot on the foam roller, sometimes you have to lean into the discomfort you are feeling in order to feel relief. I don’t mean reliving all the trauma each time you talk about it, but dealing with that yucky feeling in your stomach or the sweatiness of your palms is worth it when you notice that the feeling isn’t as bad the next time or your palms don’t feel as sweaty for long. We sit through hard stuff to feel ready to face the next hard thing to come our way. It’s okay to feel nervous about the hard stuff, but in the end it’s best to work through it with a trained trauma therapist. Make sure you feel supported and that you trust your therapist, but once you know that the person you are talking to is the supportive person you need, it is okay to delve into the hard work and lean into the pain. Sit on that foam roller for a bit, you might be surprised to realize it actually made a huge difference in how you view the trauma and how you engage with other aspects of your life.
