Our automatic thoughts are like talking a walk in Muir Woods
Have you ever been to Muir Woods in Northern California? When you are there, it feels like the luxury hiking experience you never knew you needed. The paths are well paved, they are wide enough to be accessible to everyone, and there are benches throughout the walk. The forest is meticulously maintained, allowing people of every age to enjoy being out in nature. Now, have you ever had to cut down brush to create a usable space? That is the exact opposite of Muir Woods. It is thick with plants, hard to maneuver, frustrating to deal with, and often leaves you with a few scrapes. If you had to choose which trail to follow, chances are that you will likely choose Muir Woods. It turns out that changing habits works the same way.
When we form a habit, we create a trail like Muir Woods in our brain. The neural pathway is well-traveled, easy to navigate, requires little to no thinking, and we tend to gravitate toward that path. Changing habits is like cutting down brush: hard, frustrating, and tends to leave us feeling wounded. It's no wonder we often choose the path of least resistance and that changing habits is so complicated. If I had to choose between Muir Woods and the unblazed path, I might choose the unblazed path at first, but then I would probably end up back at Muir Woods without much persuasion.
But what happens when we don’t tend to Muir Woods? If there were no caretakers, the paths would start to rot, the trees and plants would grow over the planks, and it would eventually become unmanageable. What happens when you start to pay attention to that brush-filled path? It starts to become easier to travel, more manageable, and we are less prone to scrapes and cuts. When we nurture a new habit by intentionally making changes, focusing on changing our mindset around the habit, and becoming consistent in working on developing it, we start to make the brush-filled path more like Muir Woods. One day, it might even be the new Muir Woods, a path that is easy to travel and the direction we gravitate toward without even thinking.
Changing habits is hard, though. We tend to gravitate toward the path of least resistance, and a new habit is not that path. It requires commitment, focus, and practice. Maybe you want to replace watching an episode of TV with reading a chapter of a book. Your natural habit is to finish up your tasks for the day, get into comfy clothes, sit on the couch, and turn on the TV. It is easy, it is routine, it is Muir Woods. Starting to read a chapter of a book every night isn’t as easy; it’s not your natural state—it’s a brush-filled path. But what happens when you leave the book on the couch so you remember that is your goal? That’s a whack at one of the overgrown plants. You sit down on the couch in your usual spot and instead sit on the book, which causes you to pick it up and think about starting to read it. Whack. You put the book down, but then you tell yourself one chapter and then TV, so you pick the book back up. Whack. Your mind starts to wander as you are reading and wondering what is happening with your favorite characters, but you remind yourself you can watch an episode of TV when this chapter is done. Whack. When you focus consistently on developing a new habit, you are whacking down the brush every time. Eventually, your new habit is just that—a habit, and you don’t need to set your little tricks to remind yourself that this is the habit you are working on developing. You are already there.
The same applies to changing our mindset about harder things. Did you recently discover that a friend had a birthday party and you weren’t invited? Does your mind go straight to “they don’t like me,” “I’m nothing to them, and they will never invite me anywhere again,” or “well, screw them, I’m going to get a whole new group of friends”? Do any of those beliefs feel actually true? Could there be another truth that you aren’t thinking about? Is it possible that they had accidentally forgotten to include you in the text? Or maybe they had asked their partner to text you, but the partner had heard them say that they had already texted you the invite? Or perhaps they texted your partner, and your partner had just missed the text. There are always other possibilities out there. Changing the self-defeating/negative self-talk requires that you start to think about what the other possibilities are. Whack. It is hard, it is frustrating, and you will probably have some metaphorical scrapes and cuts along the way, but eventually, you will notice that you stop going down the negative self-talk path and create a neural pathway that allows you to not think it is because your friends hate you but start to realize there could be another truth. Congratulations, you have created your own Muir Woods.
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If you're finding it challenging to change your habits or mindset, working with a therapist can provide the support and guidance you need. Therapists are skilled in helping individuals navigate the difficult terrain of habit change and negative self-talk. By searching for a therapist near you, you can find a professional who understands your unique struggles and can help you create new, healthier pathways. Whether you're looking for cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based therapy, or another approach, the right therapist can make a significant difference in your journey toward personal growth and mental well-being.
When you're ready to make a change, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist in your area. Search for keywords like "therapist near me," "local therapist," or "find a therapist" to start your journey. Remember, just as you would choose the well-maintained paths of Muir Woods over the overgrown brush, choosing to work with a therapist can make the process of change smoother and more manageable.
